I was trying to figure out who Justin the Beaver was, like is this some new Mouse Guard style band???

This is sounding like the weirdest seance ever…

Can you slick up a spirit??

I have many questions about what was happening on the 29th

I'm not competent enough to do this on my own, I need a girl to come help me

We just started, and now we're rainbow fart pigs… I'm a rainbow fart pig.

I'd go to more football games if there were tracer rounds on the football

Some day I'm gonna have a room full of meat

and then a colon / what key is that? / the eyes of the sideways smiley face

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH, touch me touch me touch me!!! YES, Felipe, you're a HERO!

This log I'm snuggled up against is scrum-diddly-umptious!

Who needs spirit walk when you're really big?

What did you do today? / Well we defined a new term: cowlocity. It's the rate of change of cowiness. / Yeah, this morning as far as Caleb knew, I was a one-cow woman, but now he knows I'm a 1 1/2-cow woman!

We buy a horse, we dye it dirty blonde, throw a rag over it, and call it a camel! / And then we make it climb ladders.

I am still trying to put mine through the needles eye. But to answer your question. That is where it came from.

Mom love Soophie? / Yes, mom loves Sophie. / God love Soophie? / Yep, and God loves Sophie too. / God made camels. / Not sure where that came from, but he sure did.

It's one of those weird disc things that you put on a record player. / You mean .... a record? / Umm, yeah.

It wasn't good. But it existed. / It's definitely one of those things that feels like a fever dream.

That's too many voluptuouses.

So… you know how a lot of people die before Thanksgiving and Christmas. / Yeah? / … / Are you trying to give me hope for the holiday season?

Get high-heeled, Hitler!

Sudden unexpected lobotomy

Eyeball juices

Now kith.

A little popcorn chicken, but they're puppies.

My robot in Christ, could you just run on AAA batteries like everyone else??

Do the last thing probably except we all know it's never the last thing because the work keeps piling up and piling up and will we ever actually get to it? No one knows. Who could know such a thing? But probably not, hence the look of total despair when you look deep into the eyes of any software engineer.

This platform is about as wide as my intelligence and as high off the ground as my ego

It'll run on anything. I'm pretty sure it would run on my microwave.

The moral of the story is, all the humans are dead, so now it's up to you two marshmallows.

He's a stinking poo-head, but he's an adorable cat.

And that's where you get brown-nosing from. / You do not get brown-nosing from a black hole — OH! / Sorry, I'm becoming crude and vulgar.

It's not that I'm strong. They were weak. -Zatoichi

*holding a dog bone* Wait. This is not the remote

My cheeks hurt. / The front ones or the back ones?

I don't even know who you are, let alone who your mom is!

Why did you have to add the trademark? / It's called flare, Derek

Oddly enough, Mule Juices™ isn't even the worst thing that's been said

Call me a 1920s street post the way I keep getting gaslit

I have never been more repulsed by a legume in my entire life

Well, I guess wormhole it is my friends!

The tongues of my shoes are actual tongues

If anyone has Witchsight and would like to be our designated touch stuffer / He does have touch stuffering as an ability / It's not a free ride

Alright, we'll throw in the differential then. Go get that tattooed.

Well spank me silly!

Batman vs Dumbledorf! / … did you just say Dumbledorf? / Yeah, the Harry Potter guy, right?

The stars have aligned, and you are in the stupid chart.

Go sit on a bong and see if it helps

Oh, I've been told from sessions past that we're supposed to use the dwarves.

We did not like his vibe, so we forced him to stay with us.

Yes. This man has no skin.

I'm just glad we didn't have to slaughter a bunch of kids. That's progress for us.

had their fingers way too deep in our pie

we all know you're crazier than a box of meth-addled frogs

I feel like disarming has a different context for necromancers.

Can Agathara manifest a cookie miracle?

Mommy needs competence, not adorable effort

Elijah, shut your mouth, I'm scamming a four-year-old right now. Don't ruin this for me.

I would have to call bull on the racist wolf thing

Why would she melt, she isn't a popsicle? / Or a witch. / That makes more sense.

Let me finish unhaunting my unicorn.

I've got to get the heart back in. It's right in the chest cavity. I don't know why they did that.

I said 'purse pistols' and you said 'pee-pees'

Walmart at 1 in the morning has seen stranger things.

And he just curb stomped the mattress.

You catfished a Tinder date for free childcare? / Jessica gets the family cow. / They have a cow. She gets the cow. / Let me ship you literal poop in the mail.

OwO, what's this? It's Coke for my family

It's not like a TRex is going to jump out. (Pause) Because they're dead. -Ezra

Me watching the DMC anime: If bad guy, why good points??

Back in my day, it was the San Diego Japanese Language Club doing it in the back room.

Drugs aren't bad, you just haven't had crack.

yummysnatchy.me is $5 a year / ooooh, yummysnatchy.vip is 69% off!

C: That's right, i played the race card

I'll rub some fish on his head before I eat it.

Imagine like 600 pounds of sponge, whatever sound that would make.

How did we go from 'Handsy Boys' to 'Esoteric Quandary of Existence'? / Because we literally have life and death in our hands.

Caleb just beat fish against it and then gave up.

I will try to grab a bead from your snurse.

And you never went through the meat wall.

Thank you for not going down into the corruption hole.

Can you make an image of a man of the cloth getting all freaky with a spider?

Make me a harness and put me in the hole

Uuugggghhhhhhh........ -Coriol's dying quote. / I should have rolled physical dice. - Coriol dying

I take my fleshy lasso and turn it into a bowels bola.

you didn't want to LARP your meat situation?

Screw the packhorses, we don't need them if we have an easy bake oven!

You're a *dumpling*, W###.

A'ight D###, you uh, gunna let these rats crawl in your pants??

We are the flashlights.

What better time to rob someone than when they’re bleeding out blindly in bed??

J: No, I like D###. D: You do??

Can we call him Steaksauce?

No, you cannot call him Archivist Prime. Archivist one is fine.

No, _French_ oui oui.

I mean you can do that, and we'll go back to calling you wee wee boy, and we'll call it even.

Pesto is made with oil and peanuts.

I will quote myself, I don't even care.

Get on my level... of obesity

We call ourselves the Human Rights Violation and I will war crime this whole neighborhood.

I know why they did it, and it was _bad_.

My bear p...s *is* covered

What's dirty about "finger jingler"??

If I show up and it’s a spray-painted chicken, I may still give you the money anyway.

We should make like a little spell book… You know what, I’m a nerd, I can do this.

Jar-Jar is the Pete Davidson of the Star Wars universe.

Looks like your friend over there has larva butt.

My roommate lit the apartment on fire, I’m just the one who didn’t put it out… so…

Speaking of tickling your goat... I have *big* plans for your werewolf.

No one expects the Vampire Inquisition!

Ya wanna know what's better than cannon fodder? *Reusable* cannon fodder.

He's a speed bump Nazi!

J: Oh, your incest roommate. C: No! Not my incest roommate. That’s my grandma.

E: I have a fire elemental named Flare Grylls. L: That is *tragic*.

Elon Musk is the Anish Kapoor of the Tech World.

This is my left Hans, this is my right Hans!

On Wednesdays, we wear arms!

Who needs ketchup when you've got Nazi blood?

The head bone connects to the rust arm bone. The rust arm bone connects to the toe bone. The toe bone connects to Hitler's face, WHoooaaa! That's nine damage!

Umm, can, can I steal the Rust Witch's arm?

Eat a baguette of .

Your Hot Wheels moving too slow? Have you tried ZoMbIeS??

Yeah, a wet, sloppy, wheezing kazoo. Put that in your mental imagery.

Lightning's gonna tell us about her mom's chaos story and then we're gonna go kill Hitler.

Can we not call WitherLitte the Wee Wee boy, please??

Oui oui boy, go!

I need some heavy metal music so I can get my little horn banging.

My parents should have named me Ivana. Ivana Suckyourblood!

I have needs, too! I needed the beef.

Ah man, my kids took Batman! I can't really blame them, it is theirs… No wait, here it is! Ha ha ha!

I'm The Butcher, not a chef.

Alright, who wants to do the demented cow yell?

It's 'I have a dwarf and I'm not afraid to use it' all over again.

I would tattoo a black belt certificate on a hobo and give it to him.

It's not cannibalism if it only USED to be a person.

The road to hell is paved with wizard biscuits.

It was like bell bottoms, except it was bottoms all the way up.

I exert my authority, grant unto me an egg!

Poof! Squirrel time.

They should be able to resist becoming a squirrel.

I was a SQUIRREL again???

If OldManAkatsuki makes his roll, you’re a squirrel.

He’s a sweet cat, and he’s not dumb… but I think a cat door might be above his pay grade.

We’ll cut out like half an hour early so you can cook your burritos or whatever it is you do.

Put that on your tombstone. “I wander around my house vigorously.”

Who’s in a pickle now? Not me! I’m guacamole!

I’ve been hoarding waffles for a week. Trust me, I have waffles.

Stop bouncing around, have a banana.

Show just a *little* too much bosom at a dumb party with all the soldiers, and boom, everyone is making off with your reputation.

One does not joke about waffles. Put that in your twitter diaries.

It’s like if a cupcake dropped the f-bomb.

I’ve never seen a shark like doggy-paddling around the pool.

Do I look like a chiseled 6’ 2” Australian man to you? No.

I appeared in 10 searches this week. I am ultimately popular.

What’s the genetic composition of my left earlobe? I don’t need to roll for that.

Essentially it’s just a giant Rumba, but with death blades.

So what are you cosplaying as? Immorality.

We’re gonna create a paradox feedback loop to defeat the dragon.

You have no idea what they’re thinking, they’re a girl, it’s a complete black box what’s going on up there.

If you just took off your swimsuit and duct taped your phone to your body, you would be more covered.

I think if I played my hand, I’d be more beautiful than you.

That’s RIGHT I planned a ball!

No! It’s my reputation again!

We’ve already destroyed my reputation so many times in the past, we don’t need any more of that.

You were into wit a minute ago. ... Well you were! All about that literacy and stuff.

This is more beauty than you’re gonna see in your life if you don’t take this card.

I have so much friendliness, I’m the friendliest person here.

That’s my luck with the ladies. ... Wait, I AM the lady.

He smiles at you! You smell him back.

Don’t destroy my reputation, I’ll be irritated.

Which pyramid is the Suez Canal closest to? Chicago! What??

Cuz women are adorable. ... unless they’re crazy.

It’ll go right through that like... some phrase that’s amazingly cool.

The air is stagnant and dead, you’re sleeping on a springy brick, and you have three shredded washcloths behind your head.

As much as I hate kids, they’re little bundles of joy.

To me, comfortable means “I know my foot feels great” not “I don’t know I have a foot”.

He was hard core on catnip, but you give him ear wax...

If a squirrel has potential, a diminutive one isn’t gonna be that much better.

That’s the cool thing about a heroin addiction - you can’t cold turkey it.

They’re fun cultists to hang out with. ... They wave their magic wands and try to give you peace and love and happiness.

Either the solid chunk of animal goes straight up into your engine block, or it goes straight up into your windshield.

Woo woo! Chugga chugga man train!

That is not a massage you want. You do not want a kidney massage.

This is the worst picture I’ve ever seen in my life. I, of course, shall share it with you.

I thought my cat might want to go for a bike ride when I was 6 or 7. So I put him in my jacket and went for a bike ride. I still have scars across my chest.

You farted in the water, get your face out of it!

An iron pot is not gonna suck a spell scroll from a 10 foot hole in the ground.

I jiggle my leg around a lot. You keep telling me to stop.

If you think you’re locked in the bathroom, you’re probably not, you just need to put more effort into getting out.

You mix eggs and cabbage together and “potency” begins to be an understatement.

He’s just like “I don’t care what I like, I like you.”

What’s going on? Leprosy? Oh! Read a letter!

Ooooh, warming up! Friendliness.

“Anybody got any reputation?” Yeah, it’s right there, burned into a pile of ashes. Like my dreams.

My bosom brought me more reputation.

My bosom’s gonna bring all the partners to the yard.

PARTY! Boom boom boom gonna lose more reputation!

Na na na na na! I don’t have any reputation!

You bought a shirt for toplessness??

It’s sweet, creamy... got that burn.

It smells like a thousand dead dung beetles.

You can still hear people from your trunk even if they’re in a sleeping bag.

I’m about to punch you in the mouth, but hold on, I gotta put this on YouTube.

You know, I’ve never talked to my aunt since then. She threatened to drive up to [state] to shoot me, and then I haven’t talked to her since... I actually didn’t mind her.

Ducks: the adorable cousins of geese.

It’s a low pressure situation! What am I gonna do, make fun of you? I mean, yeah, but who cares?!

Cut me off in traffic? Boom! Lightning bolt up your tail pipe.

Who needs pants? Unless you’re gonna be in public. Then you need pants. ... or some sort of lower body coverage.

I support you in this, yet I still wish for your failure.

Doing an adorable somersault does not absolve you of ripping up the carpet.

If you roll in the trash, you’re a trash panda.

You’re just gonna faceplant with them on top of you, which is not the best way to start a fight.

No, Sugar Buns! Move Snickers!

Princess looks like a dog.

Sucks is a positive trait if you’re a vacuum.

If the spoons are gone and you do not have one, you’re a loser.

If we can leave with less than 10 pinecones and 7 rocks, I will be so excited.

You done goofed, Mother-In-Law.

You’re not gonna get nearly enough suction with an iron pot.

You’re not gonna be able to bow them very cleanly.

People die. You treat them with respect, sometimes you bring them back as zombies.

Just faceplant into your knees, that’s all there is to it.

I have a friend I’d like to introduce you to: his name is Physics.

That’s right this song don’t make no sense, you said it right in your lyrics.

If you wanna get shot, I can show you some great places.

You gotta drop the bass at some point.

You have a choice: you can spin or break your wrist.

That’s what knocks people unconscious - the brain slosh.

Eat too much cake. Well, here goes my reputation.

I can help you with your reputation... or some hotness!

I’m just gonna superglue my mouth shut and stick a straw up my nose.

There goes my beauty! I’ve been hoarding that!

How did I steal a bonnet and end up with a teapot??

People have bacon, I’m just saying that.

Your collarbone is not a muscle. Unless your body is like terribly deformed.

Let me snap my glasses in half so I can have a monocle.

He’s been delivering mail there since the Crustacean Period.

I don’t need a JLo remix of an Australian outback song.

I know you’re trying to take this nefariously, but it’s not.

Just because the marker changes color doesn’t mean it’s spelled different.

You livestream my mouth.

This is a nice, good tasting, normal-looking cake.

That’s part of making good cookies, you gotta foam at the mouth for a little bit.

Inspirational speech here. You fill out the details.

So moral of the story: If you get stabbed, call your significant other. They’d appreciate it.

And then I found out what it’s like to go into shock.

Don’t blow bubbles in the fart water.

Crackers are just small, stale pancakes.

I don’t get nudist colonies, I’ll just say that.

Cats don’t have sweet taste buds. They can’t taste sweet. ... Yeah, cats are messed up.

I’ll eat a bird, but all the allergic parts are gone at that point.

I wonder if they can do finger grafts... they can do skin grafts...

Can you imagine how fast you could type if you had six fingers on each hand?

All I gotta do is teach my 5 year old to punch you in the nuts and I win.

“What’s one thing you want [for Christmas]?” “Happiness with my family.” “Shut your pie hole, dear.”

“I’m gonna disappear your face” sounds like a mean threat.

I just punched the castle down. He was not happy.

You can last for almost 2 hours with that many people in a portable hole before you suffocate and die.

We are not hy on potenuse right now (that’s not original).

It doesn’t look like it’s been disturbed for many a long time.

You know when your wife is pregnant and like... poofing up? Like retaining water, that’s something women go through.

It’s 10:30, should we go sack a temple?

It’s almost Christmas, what better time for a Christ symbol or gang sign?

We tried to figure out how to do the Jesus gang sign.

As we’ve just demonstrated, you can clearly take off and put on a shirt holding a katana.

“Are you ready for the date? Got your dice?” “Whoa there Casanova!”

Alright, press play. *hangs up*

no armor + no hit points = you die quickly

Did you know that having six fingers is a dominant trait? Which is pretty cool.

My dad was a molecular biologist. Inbreeding came up all the time.

I have the “I have no weapon” glitch. Followed by the “I forgot which key I mapped to shoot” glitch.

Equality in pants!

You can have two pairs of pants. Then just rotate them!

It’s amazing how a three-pound kitten - how thumpy they can be.

Electric cars have the range of an addled 3yr old on a tricycle, so if that is as far as you’ll ever need to go, it might still be a terrible choice.

YOU are by far the worst enemy you have in this building.

You can’t play role playing games by yourself. I mean, you could... But it would just be daydreaming with dice.

Straight trippin’, tootles.

You’re a very bland dwarf.

Put pants on for the rest of the week!

The rain pummels you. Soak it. *laughs so hard he can’t breathe for 10 minutes*

I know ibuprofen is not a mood-altering drug...

There is no charts for throwing a microwave at someone!

Somebody please turn me into a chicken.

That literally is a wood elf punching orcs in a bikini.

I only name my kids after the best fire mages.

Buy the raven, buy the raven, for fifty pence and.... stuff.

Let’s head into the doom mist.

There’s a lake. It’s got some sand. Technically it’s a beach.

I can only assume you’re rolling your mic around in a pit of gophers.

I’ve never done anything interesting with a pig.

So if I get bitten by one of these new bananas...

Every time I come up with a good porno, someone’s already made it. (Do not tweet that.)

I am kinda sorry I sacked your whole cult in one revolt.

Hey everyone, [friend] needs some dead lizards.

You blow him into a crusty pile of smithereens.

USB only carries 5 volts. That’s not even enough for a good tingle.

You roll and then I tell you how to have fun at this stupid party.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh. Put that on your Twitter feed.

For now it’s the “I won’t sleep in your three stick shelter” song.

I’m gonna sit on my little cloud, playing my little harp, and it’s going to be full of cats.

No, hobo harvesting is the only option.

To be the whaling hub of the world, it helps to be connected to water.

We are mushrooms. The most well-known and liked of the fungi....

You’ll get over it. Unless you’re dead, then you don’t get over it.

See the dog. Insert a word that rhymes, like frog. Hippity-hop, hippity-hop. Now I want a burger... from B-Bop.

Go out there and be the chick! But in an appropriate way that could be phrased.

Weren’t we like... touching the walls? Appropriately, of course.

Sounds like a rabid cat choking on a sandwich set to some heavy guitars and a drum.

Wow, look at that elbow! So shapely.

Be cowed by our majestic prowess!

There is no hope, only kick butting.

You leave me, you leave the world.

When I think of like Viking warrior gods.... rugby players.

No, I have not spent 10 minutes cramming bread into my face hole. I’m eating it delicately.

It’s like a bloated football. Like a football retaining water.

Have you ever heard a catfish sing? It’s pretty messed up. Like a demented frog belching.

That’s like the one piece of padding they have. .... And their manliness. That’s their other piece of protection.

They make lumberjacks look like pancake flippers.

Go home, grab a bottle of wine, and watch some rugby.

You live up to the hype, so you have that going for you.

If George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and a bald eagle got together and had a lovechild, it would be this guy.

It doesn’t do any good to write the tale of how you sank and drowned because the pirates shot ye.

It’s not incriminating if you don’t put their names on it.